Dare to Dream

Eek funerals piling up again one today two tomorrow one on Friday. Services on Sunday with one being a special community event for the jubilee celebrations, phew then am off on Monday with the youngest child for mum daughter bonding break for a couple of days I plan to do absolutely NOTHING. I was thinking about last Sunday's. Sermon and prompted by today's reading. I realised I'd said it's better to attempt something great. And fail than do nothing and succeed! ( someone also probably said it before me) and when you think about it if we don't chase our dreams, and goals they'll never happen, we've got to take a risk and go for it then at least we can say we've tried. Who knows what will follow, just look at how successful the disciples were when they took a risk the Early church took off in spectacular fashion. I'm glad that prompted by God I followed my dream instead of being too frightened, scary though it was. Off to the crematorium now.

What a week!

Our Presbytery Clerk passed away yesterday after a long and dignified battle with cancer, he dealt with his illness with courage and dignity and he continued working as long as he could even attending Heart & Soul on Sunday. He officiated at Lucy the Dogs Dads ordination and induction twenty four years ago and then at my setting apart five years ago. He was a man of true Christian faith who carried out his duties diligently and inspired confidence in you. He will be missed by so many people but most of all by his wife and two sons. Sometimes you just have to think, life is tough! I'm now in a run of funerals one today and three next week plus a service on Sunday eek where's all the time going to come from. Had a heartening ( and humorous experience) yesterday. I'd taken the Octogenarian fr coffee then stopped to take him for a walk but couldn't get the passenger door of the ancient courtesy car open, it was well and truly stuck. There was no chance of him chimmying over to the other side and climbing out. The temperature outside was 24 it was HOT. I could only think of the slogan dogs die in hot cars, when suddenly a knight in shining armour appeared and spent a good ten minutes freeing my trapped passenger, the ups and downs of life eh!

Life goes on

Spent the day preparing for Sundays service and thinking that we really should make more of " the birthday of the church" Pentecost should be up there with Easter and Christmas but we've really diluted the power of what actually happened on that day 2000 years ago and lost the enthusiasm and fire that swept through the church and transformed the disciples from a quivering fearful broken bunch of men to lionhearts! The trouble is if the fire did actually fall there'd probably be an outcry from the fabric convened at the risk to the building! I seem to be racking up the funerals too one on Thursday and one so far next week so looks like being busy. Am really excited to find out how my training will be organised, I'll really miss my "attachment" congregation but looking forward to a new challenge:)

Yesterday

I hear fromLucythe dogs dad that Heart & Soul was awesome. Amazingly when I walked into church yesterday the band were rehearsing and the words on the screen those who wait on the Lord shall not faint but soar like an eagle. Isn't God amazing, people were so chuffed for me so the first service was lovely to be able to just sit and worship and relax. I was beaming like a mad woman all through the second service which I was taking I'm sure visitors must've thought I was some mad deranged woman! My lovely kids were waitng outside church fr me and had organised a champagne celebration so it was a barbie, champagne pimms and then Cranium, normal service resumes today!
funeral visit awaits.

Reflecting

Can't sleep too excited and thrilled. At the same time I'm aware I let my feelings take the place of faith. I was sure of my call yet this last couple of weeks have been anxious for me ( and the family) have e mailed and phoned friends and everyone's chuffed to bits fr me. Am conducting the 11am service tomorrow and the lovely thing is the scripture reader who is on the rota to read was my preaching reference and the peron leading prayers of intercession was my personal reference it's going to be a special service. I'm so grateful to all my friends, family who've supported me and encouraged me especially when the going was tough and they kept believing for me and most of all to God whose led me this far and will continue to lead.

YESS

I have an acceptance, am soooo pleased so thankful, so blessed!

Tapas & Cocktails

Came up to Edinburgh with the youngest child yesterday cos Lucy the dogs dad is at GA had a night of cocktails and Tapas. New experience for Lucy the ogs dad, me and the child know how to live, of course everything's overshadowed by the awaited letter. Back home tonight as I'm taking service t omorrow, had a really weird dream last night turned up to take the service wearing my jeans sweat shirt and SLIPPERS woke up in a sweat! Funny to think the OLM thing started a year ago, wish I was home for the post, though it might not arrive till Monday, trying to keep focussed
On the passage that God has given me such comfort from, those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength they shall rise on wings like eagles. I've certainly waited!

Discouraged

Not feeling very positive today. Got sermon done ish need to tweak got magazine article done ish. I feel my life is very "ish" at the moment waiting for a letter about a decision that's been made already, it's a horrible feeling. Am now convinced I've failed just want to get the letter and get it over and done with:(

Passing the time

Its a long week I'm trying to stay calm and focussed but of course everything is geared towards THE LETTER. In the midst of this life goes on I've a service to prepare for Sunday and just realised this morning the deadline for our monthly magazine is THIS Sunday. I have to come up with the usual witty thought provoking BIT that goes on the back page and causes great interest in the community and embarrassment in the family ( taken in great sporting fashion). It's at time like this that I remember that it's when we have nothing of ourselves to give that we're of greatest use to God, so even though my own life is in a whirl at the minute I have to keep looking at God who empowers and strengthens me. Sad this morning cos the Octogenarian wants to talk about his funeral, tribute etc. that's all so easy to do when you don't know the person that well but this is too close:( he's already said he wants Lucy the dogs dad to officiate.

We reached the summit

So yesterday the youngest child suggests we climb one of the hills in our area, now neither of us have any sense of direction, so we set off with a huge packed lunch, and drove to the car park. We have done this climb before but didn't retain any of the landmarks in our minds but undaunted we strode onwards and upwards. All went well till we stayed off a path and then onto screel and rocks that needed both hands to pull yourself up then we need up in the mother of all bogs, must admit by this time I wasn't enjoying myself. When we got to the top we realised we were still a mike or so off target and had to negotiate a buggier bog! At the top though, we could see for miles, it was indeed worth the effort as most things that we strive todo are. The descent me on my backside caused much hilarity and the adder that slithered across our path, much hysteria. Life's journey takes the same format, ups downs bogs and scares life and us would be boring if nothing ever upset our routine, that's what I'm trying to hold onto as I wait for my letter it's gonna bea long week

Twenty six years ago

Just back from celebrating my sons birthday twenty six years ago I was the age he is now and I look back and can't see how all that time passed and I never noticed, so many things I meant to do so many opportunities not taken so many people have come and gone, Time passes sometimes unnoticed so we should make the most of every single minute, accepting and appreciating all the wonderful opportunities and people God brings our way before they become part of our past.

Desmond tutu

Was pleased to see someone quoting Desmond Tutu and his belief that God is a a just God who loves us all equally, black, white gay or straight, I read his book God had a Dream and found it to be inspired and inspirational, his reminicences are both amusing and poignant and I learned so much from it, I heartily recommend it he is one of the true greats of our age.
I was at the funeral of a friend and elder today whose husband ( a retired Methodist minister has Alzheimer's) how moving to hear him read 1 Corinthians 13 what cruel disease his illness was early onset and is quite advanced but he paid tribute to his late wife in that moving reading. Au revoir Renee till we meet in glory.

I got the blues

Im feeling a bit of a let down today, huge sense of anti climax and now I don't know what to do with myself ( must prepare for evening service this Sunday but just feel restless also got some bad news about the family friend I am carer to so all in all feeling a bit down I've also to prepare to assess someones final preaching assessment so need to get myself together and get back on top. Of course ivebeen going over the assessment don't feel as good about it today . As I've thought back over the things I was asked and the things I replied I'm now not sure how I did so I can only pray the assessors saw through the nerves to discern the call I feel I have. The minister I work with and Lucy the dogs dad are both off to GA next week so I could be in for a hectic week as the local population seems to be dying off at a quite alarming rate and I'll be looking after two parishes so no time for moping!

All over

So I'm home, the deed is done. The day went well, I think of ourselves the temptationis to pick it apart but there's nothing I can do now. Was with a really great bunch of people and as Mrs G said everyone is really supportive of each other and the assessors were a nice group. So I'm just praying that for all of us the right decision has been made. We should hear in about two weeks. Off to zzzz land now I hope though my brain is in overdrive!

Today's the day

Spent last night reading over my forms and journal etc. I've changed so much and God has taught me so much over the last months as I've sought Him in this. I've been humbled too by the people who pass through my life and are so encouraging, even when the going was rough they believed in me more than I believed in myself. So here I go in the strength of God conscious of the many prayers supporting me

Getting Ready

So one more sleep to go. It's been a funny day can't Really settle to anything just want to be off am as prepared I think as I can be so can only let go and let God now it's a wild day, not looking forward to the drive and a night in a strange place but excited too. Thou shall keep Him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.

I was blessed!

I really prayed that God would speak to me in the service toda. It was Communion what this week is all about. Our first hymn was the God of Abraham praise, verse 3 " I shall on Eagles wings up borne to heaven ascend" and then the las hymn Art thou afraid His power shall fail. " They who wait on the Lord in strength shall still increse" The last verse "On eagles wings they mount they soar their wings are faith and love." I was totally blessed, when I was first aware of Gods calling He gave me that very reading fom Isaiah, 40 28 those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength they shall rise on wings as eagles they shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint" I really felt as if God was saying He was right with me and confirming His call it's funny when things
Like that happen I am still so amazed even after all these years at Gods unfailing faithfulness and care for us. For that to happen and at Communion just spoke right into my heart. So two more sleeps and hopefully I'll be able to go in the knowledge that He goes before me with me and behind me!

I survived

Well I survived last night though covered in bruises from lugging a tyre round an assault course consisting of hills to run up, dykes to clamber over a bog to run through ( and I'm so short it was up past my knees! The secrets to KEEP moving) streams to run through and more hills to run up. It was an experience and extremely mucky. In the middle of all the pain ( no pain no gain!) I looked up to see a para glider soaring above us and was instantly reminded of Isaiah 40 28-31 "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall rise up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint." A passage the Lord spoke to me years ago about my call to serve Him. It was as if He was saying I'm still here and it still holds good. A minute later a swan flew over majestic and beautiful a blessing just to behold. So though I wasn't just weary last night I was absolutely knackered I was blessed and renewed in Spirit. God knows just what we need and when we need it. Today I can hardly move am covered in bruises but I feel the Lords on my side.

Secret Location

Ok so tonight my youngest child and I are off to a secret location. Why? Well I'm taking time way from the I pad, lap top, journal and books and going to a mini boot camp ( I think) there's something therapeutic about getting down in the dirt on hands and knees ( bums and chins down too in case of snipers!) that really clears the mind there's also a great mix of Christians from our church and non Christians from the community so it's a great chance to witness as you try to fell them or use them as punch bags. Could this be anew kind of " emerging church!" do the Christians among us " let the others win" well no actually we're all there competing at the highest level we can. Thankfully it's a lovely day and it'll be a great way to use up some of the nervous energy. Last time, the youngest child dropped a telegraph pole on me so if I survive tonight I'll blog tomorrow!!

Muddled thoughts

Can you over prepare looking at all the preparations and thoughts I've gathered I'm now worried I'm in overload, I know all things work together for good and I know God has a plan for my life and He goes with me, it's just that now I'm at the timescale where next week it'll all be behind me and then the waiting will begin for the verdict I'm worrying about all the things I want to say and convey and hope I'll not succumb to nervous babbling as can be my won't! So I'm going over articulating my call ( telling my story) and sharing my journey and boy it's been a long one so the countdown is on! Was thinking about resolving conflict and remembered reading that Christians should always be gracious and courteous but firm in adhering to the principles for them which are non negotiable I was struggling to remember where I'd read it ( cos as Nicky Gumble says its good to have a friend but better to know where the friend lives) when I realised it was from the sermon I'd preached on Sunday! So now I'm quoting myself! Is that bad or good!