Reflecting

When God says something is wrong, it's wrong! You don't need to rationalise, make excuses or feel sorry for yourself. You just need to agree, ask His forgiveness and get it out of your life. Who gets the prize? Those who pay the price! Paul knew he couldn't win the race without first bringing his body, mind and emotions under the control of God's Spirit. The same goes for you. And you can't expect somebody else to make you do what's right; you must listen to what God's saying to you, and take action.  ( Hebrews) that was my reading for today as I wrestled with a dilemma! Ordination brings responsibilities, the vows we take are awesome and being out there in the full glare of the general public ( especially in a collar) really brings an awareness of how your behaviour is perceived by others. So why is it than even when you make the right decision, and know its the right decision and you couldn't do anything else you don't feel totally blessed/overjoyed etc, you just feel crap! As I've worked and embraced the whole aspect of " being a minister" theses last months I've such a feeling of realisation that this was what I was put on this earth for and that IS such a privilege, joy and yes "calling" I'm also getting to know my weaknesses though and I hear what Gods  saying but I'm a work in progress and right now I want to throw a wobbly :(

Weight lifting!

Today we did presbytery Sunday when we all swap about. I went to one of the bigger churches in our nearest ( not a city but bigger than a town) . This particular congregation ( and minister) by their own admission don't like this Sunday. The morning got off to a horrible start we had torrential rain, gales force winds and lots of water on the road. I got road raged by a guy in a motor home who pulled out in front of me gesticulated rudely when I beeped him then tried to intimidate me by tail gating me. Since I was clerically attired I didn't feel it was appropriate to reciprocally retaliate! Anyhow the welcome at church was enthusiastic and very well received. The only challenge was lifting the plate to receive the offering. It is situated in front of the lectern, at the appropriate time the minister lift sit to receive the offering. Well, the minister didn't tell me it weighs a ton!! Once the bags are placed on it is even heavier, there's then a tricky lift up onto the communion table which is on a small dais definately not for the vertically challenged! I did enjoy my visits though and afterwards at the cup of tea I was asked for my phone number by an elderly Italian gentleman who wanted to send me a book of love poems!! Hey ho! A lovely congregation many of whom who took time to remark at the door how God had spoken to them.  Rounded off tonight by a songs of praise, all in all a decent day!

Presbytery swaps

This Sunday will find me in one of the most lively and spirtually aware churches in our presbytery.  On this particular Sunday  the ministers in the presbytery play musical pulpits and all swap around. This is not a popular Sunday with either ministers or congregations. Some congregations feel they're just getting an old recycled sermon. Ministers get pissed off travelling form one end of the presbytery to the other ( a not inconsiderable  distance) I know the congregation I'm going to feels this way because the minister told me so! So no pressure !! I want to take Gods word and lead worship in such a way that the congregation feel blessed and "fed" . Their usual minister is dynamic, down to earth and a hard act to follow so. I'm praying God leads me and fills me with confidence as I lead worship. Feeling nervous already!!!

Shingles notwithstanding

In  spite of having shingles I'm still hanging together and really looking forward to getting back to my"flock' tomorrow. It's such a privilege to share this time with them and I'm becoming quite attached to them, it's a tremendous privilege to be called and feel called and affirmed and I'm looking forward to the next few months and building relationships as the various organisations start up again. Flat Jesus is appearing tomorrow in various photos taken on holiday but it was a mistake asking the youngest child to put together a PowerPoint as  she had included so many photos that were a bit questionable? Yes I did try a shisha pipe in Tunisia but it was purely to explore the cultural experience! I did wear a bikini but purely to absorba s much vitami d? For the bones? As possible! In no way could I share such images with my congregation ( bad enough I have a tattoo!! Anyway looking forward to sharing Gods word and worshipping tomorrow

Post Holiday

So I've not posted for ages and so much has happened. Holiday to Tunisia was spectacular though I was seriously concerned I might come home with a collection of camels for my beautiful daughter. It was a strange experience lying by the pool in temperatures in the high thirties wearing bikinis, side by side with women in full Burka going in the pool a dichotomy indeed! Also strange when other holiday makers asked as you do " what do you do" and seeing the reaction when the response is I'm a minister! We spent a night in the desert taking in a Bedouin camp and visiting the Berber caves driving to the Sahara on our air conditioned bus looking out at shanty town settlements was disturbing. Tough we did visit the set of  the original Star Wars film, unfortunately in the middle of an unbelievable sandstorm through which you could see nothing. The strange thing is we took loads of photos and they are completely clear!!  Came home feeling great, refreshed and........... Got shingles!!!! How did that happen. Anyhow back in harness sermon done Friday night glass of wine!

drug smuggling?

 I have just come started two weeks holiday (yes I know I never go on holiday!!) But it has been a long and very eventful year and I feel in need of a bit of R&R! So with that in mind Bex and I are off on a Spa break for three days then we fly from Glasgow airport to Tunisia for a week!  (yes I’m flying too! Amazing what ordination does for you!) Having said that,  perhaps a break is in order as, last week, I “sleep phoned” Bex at 3 in the morning. I was dreaming I was phoning her, imagine my horror when I realised the phone was actually ringing out in my ear. I quickly hung up hoping she hadn’t heard but of course she woke up and at that time in the morning her first thought was some disaster had befallen the family. I can only say I was not popular next day. That was followed by a night where I ground my teeth so hard I actually loosened the roots!!! A visit to the dentist confirmed my crown was ok but I’d damaged the root! So a couple of weeks of soft food and antibiotic ( the kind where consumption of alcohol at the same time is apparently worse than death!) A week layer I was immensely reassured when Rebekah’s boss (my dentist) said my teeth looked a bit better but in any event, Bex could take some stuff with her when we go on holiday (just in case my crown dropped out!)

Rebekah has, however, vetoed that idea as the cement used  is a fine white powder and she’s not prepared to take the risk of going through customs with that anywhere in her luggage! Hardly the act of a loving daughter!

Doldrums

I've been a bit low this past couple of weeks ( unusual for me especially when Holly the dogs dads been away and all is peace with just me and my dog!) but it was exactly round this time sat year my Dear Oldster began to really decline and my role as carer became pretty much full time. Coincidentally it oincided with the childrens summer holiday club which starts today. This is at the church I was attached to and because I'd committed to it last year I am running it again this year and I'm annoyed ! I'm annoyed that the minister I worked with for eight years and never had disagreement  with. Has got my hackles up. He's never been then most organised person but that was never a problem cos I was there to pick up behind him , but now I'm locum with responsibilities and commitments elsewhere I'm hacked off at his lack f support and assumption that everything will work out ok ( mainly because we all run around  making sure it is!) I'm also two of my best team down so coupled with that and the overwhelming memories I have of all that was happening ths time lat year I don't feel at my best for this. Been thinking I never really took time to grieve. So its all still there. I nursed him till his last breath. A week after the funeral I was at my probationary placement, then study and conferences, weddings, my ordination the year flew past at an alarming rate. I know tht without God beside me beneath me around me below me above me I couldn't have managed. And I love love love what I'm called to do as someone said at church yesterday it's a great fit!
 But in spite of that I'm still annoyed  that ths week I'm going to run myself ragged  organising a totally disorganised collegue ! Grrr need grace in abundance