End of year

Must admit as January looms, the enormity of the next few months seems overwhelming
Two kids getting married sacramental theology module, trip to Hungary to speak, church law essay
Hopefully Ordination at ome point in  between, not to mention wedding invites, dress fittings, hen dos andim tarting to feel a bit overwhelmed( before I even think about training the puppy). Also have slumped into a bit of a downer. Was asked to be n a play and I suddenly realised no one to willingly and happily help with my lines happy to record my cue lines so I can learn as I'm out running with my I pod on. My first year without David to share and encourage me at so many milestones. So a wee sad thought as I drove home tonight I miss him. :(

Christmas

Well in the lead up to Christmas I've attended around 10 Nativity plays eight school assemblies sung countless carols and assisted at or conducted six services since Sunday morning! The one that will remain in my mind is Sunday nights Carols by Candlelight. Every one was given a candle going into church and at the beginning of the service the church was darkened elders came for ward with tapers-to the only source of light in the church, on the advent ring candles the minister lit each taper and they in turn moved to the end of each pew lighting that persons candle who then passed the light to he next person and o a great wave of light spread throughout the church as the candles were lit. It was, for me, a very special and moving symbol of the light of the world spreading through the world.  It w as very much a community and church event  in a town that doesn't have the best reputation locally but where that night, the light of God was seen and shared. Definitely a high point of Christmas for me.  From experience I've  found I can't do watch night I'm not a night person, so while I can il go to bed, but I did Lucythedogsdads service on Christmas morning, then went onto my old attachment where the minister  and I do a double act each year which is all very informal. The youngest child came with me to that one and we both raved about the revs aftershave Gucci pour Homme  remarking
 To him how " hot" he was smelling. During the first hymn he turned to me and said are you turned on! Referring of course to the radio mike, needless to say we were both useless for the rest of the hymn!, it was lovely to be back  but funnily enough I could have happily gone to my placement with no qualms. Seems that God  is preparing me for the future. In spite of missing my Oldster very very much, it was a happy day. I came home to a new addition to our family, a little brown Cocker Spaniel, organised by the youngest child and the middle child ( who really just wanted a dog again)  in fact as I write middle child a total guy is nursing her like a baby! So much underhanded ness has gone into the procurement of this pup I will never trust them again! Fortunately it was love at first sight, y own Christmas baby, called aptly Holly. All advice re training etc gratefully received. Happy Christmas and my you know peace and joy and love

Love this thought

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically  liberates others." It amazes me that God can use me. " even me" especially me and this morning I was looking at the verse " you are fearfully and wonderfully made" and  it suddenly struck me Who my maker is.  I feel like I'm rambling a lot this week, sorry!

Ramblings

As I look back to probably one of the darkest periods of my life this time last year, I can't but marvel at how God has  brought me through a year when I've gone from the lowest point to the highest and then somewhere in between. There were times last year when I railed at God, why when I was so sure of His will had He let me down and sent me into the wilderness. Only now do I realise how much I learned during that journey, when everything was taken away there was no where to go but up. I still remember the turning point  when God again affirmed my calling and I can honestly say I did grow and learn that even though the path isn't always straight, God is always on it with us. Just thinking about the past  year now, the times when I was so conscious of Gods presence as I sat by David's bedside   He was almost palpable, and looking back at the privilege of sharing that final journey with him holding his hand as he passed from here to eternity. I can look back now and see that God was right there with us in the room,  it's funny how at the time so many other things distract you but it's only now as I'm rambling on I appreciate just how close I was to the presence of God that  week.  As someone who finds it hard to sit still for a minute and  runs ten miles a day, that was a period of solitude with God, and made me realis, as I did, in fact, read Henre Nouwens book Out of Solitude at that time, how much we need  to spend time in Gods presence, in quietness. I don't know why I'm rambling on this morning, it wasn't intentional just that God reminded me as I took five minutes break, where I was this time last year. So thank you God that you never change and never leave us. And thank you for those you send to journey with us.

Busy week!

It's been a funny week  busy from start to finish. School assemblies funerals session meetings and so much travel I don't know whether I'm coming or going. But it's been a good week, it's been a week when yet again God has confirmed His calling and affirmed me in a very special way, and just when I needed it most, can't go public on that yet but hope to soon. As the weeks pass I'm becoming happier and happier at my placement and apparently they are asking for me to be their locum when my supervisor retires! Lovely compliment.  As our first Christmas with my Old Man approaches I sometimes find I'm overwhelmed by sadness  and there's so much I miss sharing with him, just today I put on my Christmas present from last year from him a lovely advent purple coat and noticed two round white stains just at the chest. I'd only worn it twice and couldn't think what the marks were, then I realised the last time I'd worn it was to his funeral and the marks were salt stains left from the tears I shed. Not the best start to the day! Worship at both churches was choir led with carols interspersed with readings by my supervisor and I he'd warned me these could be dull services and the readings were all from fifth century writers so I tried to embrace the feel of the service and the readings and it worked after all Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever, and the Truth holds fast today. I rounded the day off back " home" at my attachment at the nine lessons and carol service  where I  thoroughly enjoyed being in the congregation singing some good old carols and a catch up with friends afterwards,  one of whom mentioned she'd had a card from soneone at  my placement who said the congregations had taken me to their hearts, which is exactly how i feel, and so on into a last week of busyness and new opportunities hopefully I'll embrace every new opportunity that God brings my way!

Feedback

My supervisor was delighted with Sundays conduct of worship. He askedvaccouple of questions about my hymn selection and also commented on the fact that I'd given some historic background which he always thought was a good thing. He's quite an academic hence I was apprehensive. So all went well whew! After that is at in on the session meeting giving a brief report on what I've been p to so far and the proposed roll of OLM in our presbytery. There was a really supportive atmosphere and apparently the session are keen for me to be their loud when my supervisor retires. All in all it was an affirming experience confirming my calling and Gods Grace in supporting me.  My supervisor is extremely supportive and looking back at my reluctance to leave my attachment yet again, surprise surprise, God was right!

First assessed preaching

Well Sunday was my first time preaching at my placement with my supervisor in attendance.  Funnily enough I was very nervous all week in spite of constant reminders from the family that I've done this thousands of times. I've led time for reflection at Scottish Parliament, I was still very nervous. We  use the lectionary so it was John the Baptist, a brilliant passage. Since one of my goals on my learning and serving covenant was to try to involve the congregation in  responses etc. I led them in a short mediation visualising being baptised by John, thinking that was far enough to go! Although I was nervous, as soon as I stood up to speak I was so aware of the peace of God and of being in His will the sermon just flowed. There are two services 9.30 at the rural church and 11 at the town. Feedback at the door was really good, with people commenting on how moved they'd been. The first thing my supervisor said was " how did you feel it went' that threw me a bit, but I said I thought it went well and people were very positive at the door. Feedback session tonight with him so we'll see how that goes. On th e positive side it seems that everyone  ( including the retired lecturer can hear me fine) so that's a plus.

Back at attachment

Funny day yesterday, had really really late night  on Saturday at a ceilidh with the family, involving some ill advised alcohol consumption then it was back at my attached church to conduct  the whole 9.30 service. We were on SU material with Mary and the Magnificat. The whole service as we reflected on what she went through,  was poignant and moving. The young man who was on intercessions became quite moved during the prayers, causing me a moment of anxiety as I'd a 16 mile trip to my placement for 11am where I was taking part in the service, and its anincredibly twisty icy road but it all came together and I made it with time to spare. Our 9.30's are. Lively informal and have lots of kids, at my placement it's very traditional, not always kids there and very formal, but each in their own way worships God and celebrates the same message. Though I've preached there often, this week I'm  preaching as part of my placement with my supervisor in attendance! Nervous already! On the lectionariy so it's John the Baptist.