So sad

So this morning at ten past six I sat and held my old mans hand as he passed from this life to the next.     Although there's a profound sense of relief that his suffering is over I am numb with grief. I've sat by his bedside for these past weeks putting everything on hold to care for him as best as I could and now I feel lost. As he wanted it was just him and I at the end, no Marie Curie nurse last night as I kept him company through a long night. It was strange to deal with the undertaker as a mourner  when usually we're colleagues. It was a traumatic morning making sure he was ready for when they came to take him away and much to my surprise, giving him a last shave as he would have been mortified at having two days stubble and waiting for his family to arrive.. There's now a whole week to wait till the funeral and I don't know what to do with myself. We were so blessed in the care we both received from our district nurses, Marie curie and GP who went the extra mile in their care and support of both of us. I know the start of my probationary placement awaits me a week on Sunday hopefully I will begin to refocus. So to my Dear Dear Friend, Godnight &God keep you in the hollow of His hand x