Life through a haze

It feels like I'm living life through a fog at the moment. Things just" happen ". The youngest child was remarking last night about the way Lucy the dogs dad and I talk about funerals we're conducting and said it just made her realise that we were dealing with families feeling how we feel on a regular basis. I know I'm learning so many lessons "first hand" as I go through this, experiencesthat i'll draw onin the future as personally ive not suffered a major bereavement for over thirty years when my dad died? The  Old Man and I were inseparable and such was his level of dependence on me it's strange to have so much time on my hands. Time that I don't want and don't know what to do with. One of the district nurses (his favourite) popped in to see me yesterday which was just lovely and she was so in awe of how the Oldster and I managed and the sense of fun we managed to always have. I'm not in a great place and not looking forward to Friday I'm going to try not to let him down and be dignified but I'll probably be a bubbling wreck.